a year of letting go
In many ways, 2022 was a year of letting go.
Some things I let go of gracefully. Some reluctantly. And some I fought tooth + nail to hang onto, as I sometimes do with things that are clearly not meant for me.
The year started off with a metalsmithing class + visions of beautiful things I would be able to create with this newfound skill.
It was apparent early on that this was not for me. But I tried to keep an open mind + let go of my need to be good at something right away + keep with it.
I thought the teacher was the problem. So I found other teachers.
I thought the material was the problem. So I bought other materials.
And on and on. Until I could no longer avoid the simple fact that this process just did not light me up.
And what I’ve learned from my cursory study of human design IG infographics, is that as a generator, the only requirement is that it lights me up.
So I had to let it go.
Here is an incomplete list of other things I’ve let go:
✷ The 100 Day Project. I got so swept up in other people’s enthusiasm, I mistook it for my own. And I had what I felt was a beautiful + aligned idea. 100 days of beaded prayers. And my past self would have loved this structured approach.
My current self, however, did not love it. I loved the vision of it. But the process - long term, structured, daily commitments - no longer feel good to me. My creativity seems to want more freedom to flow.
(Side note: I thought I could hack the system by creating in batches, as is my usual practice, and just post once/day, but I still rebelled against that too.)
✷ Charlotte. Charlotte was the home we fell in love with in August. I was sure she was meant to be ours. I saw the vision so clearly. I made myself physically ill trying to manifest her. She went to someone else. It was not meant to be after all.
✷ Ancestral judgement. I have let go of the judgement I think my ancestors (in their flawed, messy human forms) would have had of me and my chosen life. In its place, I am filled with the love + joy + celebration that my ancestors (in their perfect, whole spirit form) have for me.
So on this full moon in Cancer, I wish you a beautiful letting go. A blessed release.
Letting go… I feel like I, too, had to let go of so much in 2022. We lost two pups, we sold our beloved business, and most painfully, my daughter and her family decided that they needed a break from my husband and from me – I had to let go of my daughter, my best friend. I spent so much of the year in tears and befuddlement – trying to figure out what happened. My husband were belittled and disrespected and accused of things that never occurred . Finally, on New Yers Eve I scribbled pages and pages of notes and emotions and feelings of deep ache from the 2022. I cried and scribbled. And then, I burned all the notes – sent them off to Mother Universe for her to help heal me and my husband. I smudged the house and we danced naked in the atmospheric river that was blowing through California. I let go. Maybe not forever, but I finally feel peace. Yes, 2022 was a year of letting go.