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leo as my astrological mirror

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Leo energy.

Perhaps it’s my Aquarius sun - Aquarius being opposite to Leo on the zodiac wheel. Leo is my polarity, my astrological mirror.

Perhaps, and this feels more true, my introverted self has had a tough time understanding Leo’s ability to bask in the spotlight. Their absolute delight in being the center of attention, a position that makes me want to crawl right out of my skin. It’s the reason I eloped. The reason it’s still often difficult, even after all these years, to teach group classes. The reason I shy away from video or public speaking.

Painfully shy as a kid, I always wanted to be that social butterfly. And later, I drank to do so. And it worked. Sort of. Until it really didn’t.

And I’ve envied my Leo and Leo-like sisters. And I’ve judged them. Because judgement seems to hurt less than envy. But in the end, it’s all the same. Because it was never really about them.

It was about me and my own rejection of myself. My sweet, subtle introverted self that I was always trying to mold into something she was never meant to be.

Self-acceptance and self-love is an ever-unfolding thing. A willingness to be seen and heard will likely be lifetime work for me. But progress has been made.

There are things I do today that would cause the me of just a few years ago to widen her eyes in disbelief. And the me of a few years ago would shock the me of my teens. And teen me navigated those strange years in a way shy little girl me couldn’t even imagine.

And I’m grateful to all the me’s that brought me here.

And here is a place where I know how I shine. And how I shine isn’t the way a Leo shines. And how beautiful is that?

The way I shine is in making beautiful things. In the slow + thoughtful way I choose my muses. In my attention to those little details, those subtle nuances. I shine in my words. In storytelling. In sharing my heart, not in front of a crowd, but in words on a page. In one-on-one conversations. Intimate connections. Deep enthusiasm.

And because I know how I shine, I can cheer more enthusiastically for how others shine. Because we are ALL meant to shine our own beautiful + necessary light.

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