the one decision that changed everything

Last Friday, with a full and thankful heart, I celebrated 8 years of sobriety. This picture is from that day, grateful and overwhelmed. I tried to post it then but couldn’t find the words. I still can’t really but I’m going to try. And trust the imperfection.

I look at where I am right now, what has come to pass in the last few months, in this last year, and I feel like a GD manifesting machine. A trip to Bali to celebrate 40, huge mindset shifts, a new home, new friends, deepening connections, a growing business.

And absolutely none of this would be happening without sobriety. It was the one decision that changed everything.

It is said in many different ways in recovery circles, and I thought it was total BS and now I know it to be absolute truth ... that my life now is far beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself. If you’d have asked me in early sobriety what I would have wanted for myself, I’d have sold myself short. Way short.

What I wanted then was to not think about driving myself off the road everyday. To not be a source of harm to myself and others. To be able to meet my eyes in the mirror without utter heartbreak.

And those things have happened. And so much more. And they happened very slowly at first. There were false starts and wobbles and ungraceful conversations. There were weird boundaries. It was a strange time.

But little by little, wobble by wobble, awkward boundary by awkward boundary, progress was made. Growth was happening. Strength and grit and vulnerability and honesty were being learned.

And I tell you this because I know many of you want something different than what you have now. I think the reason the manifestors have been an off the chart runaway hit is because it speaks to that part of you that wants something more. I see that part in you. I honor that part in you.

Some of you have shared with me what that something more is. And for some of you, I don’t know what it is exactly, but I feel it. I feel it for you. That yearning. That desire.

And what you want likely looks very different than what I wanted. My struggles are not your struggles. But that yearning for something different is the same. That quiet knowing that things could be better. Healthier. More whole. That’s the same.

And I certainly don’t have it all figured out.  As I sit here now I’m sleep deprived and yoga poor and shoving chocolate into my head hole. And not fancy organic co-op chocolate. Shitty gas station chocolate.

But I will say, as someone who at least for this brief moment is feeling her manifesting magic coming into being, it’s possible. That change that you’re wanting is possible. It may be weird and awkward at first. Keep going.